[AN: This may or may not be canon. I was just messing around and came up with this.]
Sometimes he comes back in flashes. Other times, I can see more than just his pink hair. I can hear his voice, smell the cologne he wears, feel his touch against my skin. On the best days, I can close my eyes and remember how it felt to be with him. I can pretend that for just a few seconds that this is all a dream. I mean, it has to be right? What other worldly explanation could there be to something like this? A garden…a home….an Arcadia meant for me and only me. Solace, silence, repentance. A punishment for all I have done in my past life. Lives. A never ending curse that haunts me with each and every form I take. Manifesting within me, no matter where I run. No matter how dead I try to be.
No matter what, I had his memory. I saw us. More than just us. I saw the many families we had managed to create in the different dimensions the world had somehow spanned to in the time that I was gone. Or maybe, they had always been there and I was just too consumed with my own problems to even consider something so extraordinary existing.
But then, I saw her. And I relived the pain all over again. Drew. Drew Bennett. A woman I despise. A woman I swore I had forgiven generations ago yet, who still plays a prominent role in my thoughts. A woman who was the mother of the children that we should have had. And one could argue I had all the dimensions to woo Caleb. I didn’t need them all. But I would argue back that those Stars, they’re strangers to me. That Caleb was not the one who had changed my life.
I had accepted that my life was too short. I had accepted the fate that had befell me. I had accepted that the short time I spent with Caleb was all that I would ever have. Being alive again…being here with my thoughts… is an unending torture. A life of constant reminders of what could have been and what was. A reminder that one’s first love doesn’t necessarily equate true love. And the acceptance, that if I ever meet Caleb again in this life and I was held up side by side with Drew, that I would be given a sad smile as he embraced the woman he had loved for so long. The same woman who he had went to bed with every night. The same woman who had given him what she couldn’t. A family…
I tossed the rock into the pond and watched the ripples tear open the water. I watched as what seemed like such an interesting dance came so quickly to an end, the rock sinking to the bottom of the pond. Me, feeling empty and alone once more.
“That smile of yours,” He began, looking at the image she had supplied him. “Will be the death of me.”
“I typically smile for the opposite reason, but if it can’t be helped…” She gave him a flirty smile. “Anyway, that was before I stood in that spot. The same spot that Star stood in.”
At the mention of Star’s name, his heart beat quickened. “Then, it has been done?”
“Yes, as you suspected. But things don’t look good for her. Not emotionally at least. I could feel the sadness wash over me as soon as I stood in that spot. Sheer loneliness. That cannot be allowed to continue.”
“There isn’t anything we can do about it,” He told her, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. “If you haven’t noticed, loneliness is a common affliction here.”
“But it shouldn’t be,” She responded. “She wishes for a boy that is living and well. We should reunite them.”
“And give Mason what he wants? That’s not an option.”
“But Audric…” She bit her lip, looking into his lilac eyes that sparkled as he talked so passionately about the things he loved. “How do you feel? Empty? Why would you ever wish that feeling on someone else?”
“Because it’s about saving the world. Worlds. Linnea…”
“I know,” She muttered. “I hear it from you and Quinn all the time. I don’t need to hear it again. I just thought it’d be nice to take away someone’s pain.”
“In another life….”
“Yeah.” She looked away sadly. “I got it.”
I thought I had seen him, once. Wearing that same red blazer that I loved so much. The one he wore to all of his biggest shows. The ones he was confident about. When he was nervous, he wore his uncle’s green sweater. I loved that sweater even more than the blazer…
But he was with another woman. A vibrant young lady, with pink hair not too much unlike his own and a light that seemed to follow her. “I don’t understand,” He had said. And that was it, before it was gone. The image of him replaced by emptiness. I hadn’t gotten to see how his face had changed over the years (if it even had) or whether or not he still wore that necklace I had given him. I still wore the bracelet he had given me.
And as I walked closer and closer to the mirage, everything had gone, except for the canopy. The big canopy that veiled even more emptiness. I was alone once again. For a short while, until she had come to me once more. A familiar face amongst the haze. A calm serene before the storm.
She looked out into the vast oceans that surrounded us. A smile that never seemed to leave her face. Her teal skin was exotic and beautiful. I had often wanted to reach out and touch her, to see if she was real or just another figment of my imagination. “What are you doing here?” I would ask. And every time, she’d turn to me, still smiling and stare. Stare until she had gotten enough and decided to leave. Poof, just like that. Loneliness once again. But that day, when I had asked her, she didn’t turn to me.
She simply answered, “It’s time.”
Time for what, I didn’t know. But if I didn’t follow her, I’d be stuck in eternal damnation. Reliving the memories over and over again. And I couldn’t deal with that pain any longer.
A Graying World 