5.93 Time to Say Goodbye [Declan]

Adele crossed her arms over her chest. “How does someone just disappear?”

 

“Did you really think he would just stay in place?” Charlotte scoffed. “This man has tormented my family for years. He wasn’t going to just sit down and live the monitored life you had planned for him.”

 

“You make it seem like I was micromanaging his life,” She replied. “I was not.”

 

“Obviously, because you’d know where he was!” Charlotte was beyond angry. “This is serious. Do you know what he’s capable of?”

 

“Do you?” Adele shot back.

 

“No!” Charlotte cried. “That’s why I’m terrified! What if he does something to hurt my dad? What if he comes back with a vengeance? You thought your little security measures would keep him boxed in. What were you expecting from him?”

 

“You said he was the leader of Moonlight Falls, I wanted information,” Adele said. “I was foolish to underestimate someone from the Gage bloodline. Many many centuries before him, an ancestor of his, Lucis Gage left among the traitors and settled in Moonlight Falls. He was quite well known, a powerful mage. Now, I am seeing his progeny and I wanted to know more about him. I should not have let my power biases cloud my judgement.”

 

“So now what?” Charlotte asked. “Do we have to leave again? Run and hide with my kids?”

 

“Of course not,” Adele stated simply. “Fortitude is not Moonlight Falls. We shall not allow someone to come in and hurt one of our own.”

Alistair pounded forcefully on the door. He was out of breath from running the way here. It was urgent that he see him now. “Please,” He begged, pounding on the door once more. “Please be home.”

 

There was a disgruntled sound made on the other side of the door before it swung open, revealing a disheveled Callen. “This better be important, because I’m busy-” He stopped rattling off his speech when he noticed Alistair, bent over and out of breath. Callen rubbed his eyes to make sure what he saw was really there. “Alistair?” Alistair took in the sight of the shirtless man. His tattoos stretched farther than Alistair had imagined. “Dude, you look a mess. I thought I felt like crap, but man…you look it.” Alistair took into account his own appearance. He had been so distraught, he hadn’t even bothered to put any clothes on. He simply ran out into the cold dark Monday night in his pajamas. “Is something wrong?”

 

“Can I…can I come in?” Alistair sputtered. “Please? It’s uh…cold.”

 

Callen took a step back and motioned for the brunette to enter. “Yeah, of course. Dude, it’s 2am. Is everything alright?”

 

“No,” Alistair replied. “I’m not okay.” Callen maneuvered his way around Alistair and lead him to the living room where he told him to have a seat. “Thank you,” Alistair mumbled.

 

“Of course,” Callen repeated. “I’m here for you man. You don’t gotta tell me what happened. If you just want a place to crash tonight, the couch is all yours.”

 

“Thank you,” Alistair mumbled again, as if in a trance. “Thank you.”

Callen stood by awkwardly. “Should I uh…leave?” Alistair shut his eyes and laid back onto the couch. “I’ll take that as a yes. Listen, if you need me, my room is upstairs. Lucky for you, Bray stays with his mom during the week.” Alistair didn’t say anything. “Alistair, I’m serious. If you need anything, I’m here.”

 

“Thank you, Callen,” Alistair finally spoke up. “I just need a new background.for the night. I can’t…I don’t want to see him anymore.”

 

“I understand,” Callen said. “My doors are open to you all week. We can work out what happens on the weekend when Braylen comes over.”

 

“I’ll be gone in the morning,” Alistair mumbled. “I finally understand why you keep things to yourself now.”

 

“Yeah,” Callen said softly. “Life sucks.” He headed towards the door frame and shut the light. “If you need anything-”

 

“You’re in the room upstairs,” Alistair finished for him. “Thank you again. I owe you everything.”

 

“Of course.”

Adeline hugged her husband tightly and breathed in his scent. “Dad is gone. I don’t feel him any more.”

 

“Which dad?” Erik asked. “Declan?”

 

“Mhmm,” Adeline replied. “I…I thought I understood him, but I don’t. All this time here, months, and he made no effort to mend the family that we broke. He doesn’t want to own up to his actions, or even admit that his intentions were pure at one point. Dad loves us,” Adeline said. “I’m sure of it.”

 

“Maybe he feels like he’s the monster he was pretending to be,” Erik said. “Maybe he feels rejected, like there’s no entry way back in to the family.”

 

“Is that how you feel?” Adeline asked, tracing his muscular chest with her indent finger. “Like you can’t go back into the family?”

 

“Even at the wedding,” Erik began, “I could feel the tension. All glares on our back. We fucked up.”

 

“We were looking for the truth,” Adeline replied. “Dad was looking for the truth. If that makes us outcasts, so be it. We cannot defeat a threat we know nothing about.”

 

“There were times Alistair was close to ending it,” Erik replied. “He could have taken out Altiere and Declan might have been able to return.”

 

“You have to look at the bigger picture,” Adeline said. “Altiere is not who he says he is. That means something.”

“For who?” Erik asked. “Did we cause more damage than we helped? Does the end justify the means?”

 

“I believe wholeheartedly that they will be thanking us,” Adeline said. “Our research into him told us more about the seers. We were able to decipher the tale and get us here, didn’t we? Without our work then, we couldn’t have accomplished this.”

 

“They wouldn’t have needed a new home-”

 

“We found an ancient supernatural village,” Adeline replied. “We are historians. Pioneers. I know knowledge doesn’t sound like the better option here, but it always succeeds. It will help more people in the long run.”

 

“I hope so,” Erik mumbled. “Because we hurt a lot of people on the way.”

 

“He loves dad,” Adeline said suddenly. “Declan loves my dad. He always has. I can feel it. I don’t know why he keeps running. I don’t know why they fight their feelings for each other. They both want it. Why can’t we be a family again?”

 

“It’s not possible,” Erik said. “Sometimes you can;t recover from your mistakes.”

Callen heard a light knock on his door and called out. “Alistair?”

 

“Sorry,” came the muffled response on the other side of the wooden door. “I uh…”

 

“Hold on,” Callen said, pulling himself off the bed. He opened the door and saw Alistair’s frown. “Come in.” Callen flicked the light switch on and Alistair stood awkwardly in the door frame. “Come on.” Callen sat on the large queen sized bed and patted the spot next to him for Alistair to sit down.  “You know I hate asking things,” Callen said. “But I’m going to ask anyway. What’s bugging you?”

 

“I’m a grown ass man, in another grown ass man’s house, too upset to fucking function,” Alistair said, rubbing his eyes. “I’m not usually like this.” Callen kept quiet. He would let Alistair speak at his own pace.  “I should tell you why I’m here.”

 

“Only if you want to,” Callen said.

 

“Is that our relationship?” Alistair asked, laying back onto Callen’s bed. “We don’t ask the important questions? We never go too far? We don’t push the envelope?”

 

“Pushing boundaries gets people hurt,” Callen said simply. “You of all people should know that. You’ve lived a long life.”

 

“It can also save people,” Alistair said. “Taking that extra step and fighting what hurts you, can save you. That’s why I left my house in my pjs at 2am. Any rational person would talk themselves out of that.”

___

Callen chuckled. “Yeah, I guess so. Any other rational person might have called your kids and sent your ass home too. I don’t like when things hurt, you know? I don’t want them to hurt.” He poked Alistair’s shoulder. “How the hell did you get me talking about myself? This is about you.”

 

 

“Remember when I told you about my husband?” Alistair asked. “He’s been here, in Fortitude under Adele’s watch. I hadn’t approached him, I wanted to think about things. I thought that maybe I’d forget about him or something. But, it’s been months.”

 

“What happened?” Callen asked quietly.

 

“He came to my house a few hours ago,” Alistair muttered. “He told me he loved me.” Alistair didn’t notice Callen’s grip tighten on the comforter below him. “He told me what I had wanted to hear for so many lonely years. He held my hand and told me that he was sorry and that he could never make it up to me. Declan, he…he wouldn’t tell me why he did what he did, but he said he loved me.”

 

‘If that’s what you wanted, what’s the problem?” Callen asked.

 

“He’s gone,” Alistair whispered. “He came to tell me that he needed to leave. He said that he was doing what he thought was right, and because he loves me he won’t stay and torture me any longer. He wanted to set me free. And it fucking hurts. Because I knew he loved me. I knew our marriage wasn’t a sham. But I…part of me is relieved. I’m so confused. I love him, but I don’t. In that house, I just keep seeing him repeating those words over and over again. ‘I’m sorry and I’ll always love you.’ What the hell am I supposed to do with that?”

 

Tears were falling from Alistair’s eyes. “What do I do now? Do I just let him leave? Do I…do I fight these feelings?”

 

“Why are you here?” Callen asked suddenly. “Why didn’t you go to one of your kids’ houses? Why me?”

Alistair propped himself up and leaned over Callen. “Why did you let me in?”

 

“You can’t answer my question with a question.”

 

“I came to you because you’re a rock. Do you know, when he said that he loved me, I was thinking of what you would do in the situation? I thought, ‘Callen would smack this guy.’ And you totally would, wouldn’t you? I came because I know that you won’t judge me. I came because I don’t have to hold back with you. I can unload my feelings and not cause a huge fight. My daughters are split, they don’t agree about Declan.”

 

“I would smack him.” Callen smiled. “You don’t do what he did and then leave with an apology and a declaration of love. It’s fucked up. Like, he wants you thinking about him even when he’s gone.”

 

“Well, it’s working,” Alistair muttered. “Too well. I can’t get him out of my head, and it pisses me off because I agree with everything you’re saying. I know it’s only been a little while, but I feel like I’ve known you for years. I’ve never met someone out of my family who doesn’t pander to me and treat me like some heart broken fool.”

 

“The last guy didn’t seem to get him out of your head either, huh?” Callen’s eyes were trained on his and Alistair noticed their yellowish tint. “You said to me before that you don’t just get over someone like that.”

 

“I don’t think it’s possible to forget the father of my kids,” Alistair said. “And Burke…he was a really nice guy but he pushed me when I didn’t want to be pushed. I complained about Declan and he just put his arms around me and told me that I had him. I didn’t have to think about Declan.”

 

“Like that could fix everything, huh?” Callen asked, a small smirk. “Like your knight in shining armor just waltz in and saves the day?”

“Like some kind of stupid movie,” Alistair whispered. “I mean, the sex worked. It made me forget for a night.”

 

“But that’s not what you want,” Callen replied. “Didn’t sound like Burke knew what you needed.”

 

“Burke didn’t go through what I went through. He doesn’t understand what it’s like to lose so much and so fast. If the same thing happened in Moonlight Falls, I wouldn’t be in his bedroom hovering above him.”

 

“So you don’t do this to every guy?” Callen winked which made Alistair realize what he was doing. He was practically straddling the man. He moved to roll away from him when Callen grabbed hold of his arm. “Wait, I want to hear what you have to say. Finish that thought. You wouldn’t be in his bedroom. You didn’t just throw that in for no reason.”

 

“I wasn’t looking for a knight in Burke. I wasn’t ready for one,” Alistair whispered. “I wasn’t ready to rely on someone else.”

 

Callen leaned up and captured Alistair’s lips with his. It sent a shiver up Alistair’s spine and he wondered why he was letting the man do that when he had just told him that Burke had tried the same thing and it didn’t work. But it was different. Callen wasn’t Burke. Because he knew that when they pulled away, Callen wouldn’t throw his arm over him and coddle him. He wouldn’t tell him that there was no reason to think about Declan. Callen wasn’t going to try to fix him, or replace Declan. He was just kissing him to…well, he didn’t know. He didn’t know much about Callen. But that didn’t stop the chemistry the two felt when they were together. Maybe it was his vulnerabilities talking, but Alistair didn’t lie when Declan had confessed and Callen was the first person on his mind. What a peculiar thing. 

 

“I know it’s not fair for me to do that,” Callen whispered, when they had pulled away. “But I figured you being pissed at me for kissing you would at least make you forget about your husband for a bit. I’m not trying to fix you, or move in and I don’t know.”

 

“I know,” Alistair mumbled. “You just feel things sometimes. You have to act on it. It doesn’t need to mean anything.”

 

“Pushing boundaries,” Callen said with a small smile. “Someone told me that it saves lives, so I wanted to try it.”